I'm being brutally honest with myself this morning. I was quite shocked to see that my measurements, a year after we have moved to Boise haven't changed at all.
I was so angry a month or two ago when we went to the gym and the machine said my body fat percentage had actually increased since I began lifting weights again. I don't really believe that's true, but I do know that I haven't made the progress I wanted to make.
I can cry and lament that its not fair, but that's like say it's not fair the sun comes up too early or goes down too late. The principles set in motion are not going to change. Science is science and if I am too lazy to keep track, or I want to eat 4 more cookies than I had intended, then I have only myself to blame.
This morning I looked at a size chart and discovered that my measurements landed me on size 16. I was horrified. It's the biggest I have ever been and it's all my fault.
Sure, I'm proud of my tenacity to get up again and again, but now we have gone towards the definition of insanity. I keep telling myself that the little habits and changes I am making will pay off, but when?
To my dear friends and family who might be reading this, it's true that I'm a little shook over some family illness that I uncovered on Ancestry. My plan to live to 120 is at risk if I don't deal with the weight and eliminating foods that make my body work harder to repair itself.
From a faith perspective, I can't lose sight of my Creator's connection. He has given me the gift of intelligence, and I need to learn to use it.
I'm so stubborn, and I'm used to fighting for the right to be happy even though the fight is in my head. I think there are messages all around me telling me that I keep forgetting to breathe.
Today I'll notice the green pastures and still waters.
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